Time. Isn't it just the single most uncertain thing in the world? We may have invented clocks, but we'll never know how time passes because for every given second, time passes differently for every single person in the universe. The only constant thing about time is that it never stops, for anyone. And I guess that way it's pretty fair. But if you could turn the clock back, would you? Would you change anything? Or would you just stop time, right there, at that particular moment and not let it pass?
I do (unfortunately) dwell on the past a lot. Like I'm basically stuck somewhere between rewind and play and there's a special kind of pain I take to move across these two all the time. I know it sounds twisted and I know there's a long distance between then and now, but I think I really love the journey. I look forward to things too, but the anticipation of what next is not particularly exciting for me all the time. Maybe because I'm a teeny weeny bit afraid of change(well who isn't right?), but I really hold on tight to all that's gone. Maybe because I don't know with certainty that what's ahead of me is significantly better than what I have/had? But even if it was, would it make those memories any less wildly wonderful? I guess not. You could tell me you need to live in the present, what's gone is gone. But if someone is really holding on to something so tight, don't you think it must really be worth keeping?
I could feel the exact same way as I felt 4 years back when I revisit an old memory, and the memory could be bad or good, doesn't even necessarily have to be pleasant or worth remembering. But it was definitely significant, because if a particular person, or just an old conversation or a picture, could take you four years back, doesn't it really mean something?
I'm 21 today, and I might(hopefully) have xyz years of my life to look forward to, a good b-school, good grades, a fulfilling job, a strong support system, but 40 or 50 years from now, what am I going to have to look forward to? When you're losing your senses and growing old and unattractive and more dependent, that's when you really need something to look forward to.You can no longer say that you've your whole life ahead of you because you really don't. There's no consolation anymore. What do you have then? Where do you go? You look back. At all these delightful memories you've created, this canvas you've painted with all these seemingly meaningless colours in a random order, and you and only you what this not so artsy painting really means. It's your life, the 50/60/70 years of it, painted with colours of all kinds of experiences. Does it still feel wrong to look back? Memories never become any less relevant, and the nostalgia never goes away. But does that make you afraid? that is the real question you need to ask.
I do (unfortunately) dwell on the past a lot. Like I'm basically stuck somewhere between rewind and play and there's a special kind of pain I take to move across these two all the time. I know it sounds twisted and I know there's a long distance between then and now, but I think I really love the journey. I look forward to things too, but the anticipation of what next is not particularly exciting for me all the time. Maybe because I'm a teeny weeny bit afraid of change(well who isn't right?), but I really hold on tight to all that's gone. Maybe because I don't know with certainty that what's ahead of me is significantly better than what I have/had? But even if it was, would it make those memories any less wildly wonderful? I guess not. You could tell me you need to live in the present, what's gone is gone. But if someone is really holding on to something so tight, don't you think it must really be worth keeping?
I could feel the exact same way as I felt 4 years back when I revisit an old memory, and the memory could be bad or good, doesn't even necessarily have to be pleasant or worth remembering. But it was definitely significant, because if a particular person, or just an old conversation or a picture, could take you four years back, doesn't it really mean something?
I'm 21 today, and I might(hopefully) have xyz years of my life to look forward to, a good b-school, good grades, a fulfilling job, a strong support system, but 40 or 50 years from now, what am I going to have to look forward to? When you're losing your senses and growing old and unattractive and more dependent, that's when you really need something to look forward to.You can no longer say that you've your whole life ahead of you because you really don't. There's no consolation anymore. What do you have then? Where do you go? You look back. At all these delightful memories you've created, this canvas you've painted with all these seemingly meaningless colours in a random order, and you and only you what this not so artsy painting really means. It's your life, the 50/60/70 years of it, painted with colours of all kinds of experiences. Does it still feel wrong to look back? Memories never become any less relevant, and the nostalgia never goes away. But does that make you afraid? that is the real question you need to ask.
