The conversations in my head

:)

The Canvas

Mornings

Ground

Before you I was chaos unkempt, like a bundled knot with no loose ends.

But your fingers entered me so artlessly, as if I were waiting to cast around you,

and become a masterpiece.

You've weaved yourself into me, like roots concealed, and there's been no gravity ever since;

you are my ground.

Hi. I like monotony. And that's not weird.

Okay so this post comes with the risk of sounding like a 45 year old woman, married, settled with two kids and working the same 9 to 5 job everyday, which I'm NOT. okay? Because I'm 21 (going to turn 22 very soon), working, struggling with her post grad decisions, with a messed up love life, still recovering from her last breakup, BUT with a bunch of really fabulous friends and family and probably a good vacation to look forward to.
The only twist in the tale is, that I don't really mind being that woman I just mentioned, with a settled family and career when I'm 45. I'd love to travel the world, have crazy experiences and all of that any 21 year old would dream of, but I like stability. Sometimes you get bored of the same old routine of course, which is okay. But I like that certainty you know, of knowing where I have to head out in the morning, who I'll wake up next to, and all those seemingly trivial things which we really don't notice all that much. They are very very important, and I think we forget that sometimes. People my age are looking for excitement and newness, and new ways to make mistakes, which I somehow understand too because we're wired to believe that once we get older our lives are going to become miserable, and we just want to postpone that monotony and misery as much as possible. I know like 20 people who'd flip at the idea of marriage or kids. However, hooking up at a party, or passing out and throwing up seem fairly exciting. You're more excited about lying in a pool of your own vomit than spending your life with someone you love? That's a little bizarre don't you think? But that's how we function these days to be honest. I'm all for fancy shopping and clubbing, I'm that girl who visits Goa every year, so really no dearth of fun-lovingness here.
But I'm not scared of monotony, because in a whole lot of ways, I believe monotony is beautiful. And that coming from someone who gets bored very easy is something. Predictability is somehow offensive, so like when someone tells you they knew you were going to say this, or do this, you're immediately drawn to doing anything which is unlike you in reality just to prove them wrong and be unpredictable. Don't we all do this? And isn't it completely ridiculous? I'm charged guilty here of course. I like being that person who knows everyone, and nobody knows me entirely, and that is an actual category of people. But when I think of it sometimes, wouldn't it be so great if someone just knew you in and out and LIKED that? Maybe we don't wanna be predictable because it's associated with being boring. Fact of the matter is, if it wasn't so, we'd all love to be predictable. Having someone who knows what you're going to say the next minute, or who knows you're going to weep watching that particular scene of the movie, what food will make you happy, your favourite poem and what you love about it, who knows exactly long you need to be left alone, and when you need to be pestered, wouldn't that be just spectacular? So why are we really so afraid of monotony and predictability? Everything new today will become old eventually. Why not make peace with that? Experience everything of course, this is just the time to do it. But don't deliberately push something good away for the sake of newness. Because I think one day you'll realise, the monotony is the adventure.

Unfinished